If you find yourself in a situation where you share custody of your children with their other parent, there are practical and strategic steps you can take to improve your position in the eyes of a family law judge. These child custody “Do’s” are based on years of experience from skilled family law attorneys. While they may seem simple, they are powerful. Following these steps can significantly increase your time and authority in your child’s life.
These strategies are not always easy, but they are worth the effort. Each action can increase your credibility and trustworthiness in the eyes of the court.
1. Be Reasonable
Family law judges see thousands of cases. Over time, they develop instincts for identifying which parent is more level-headed and cooperative. You don’t have to be perfect, but if the judge sees you as consistently reasonable, that can heavily influence your custody outcome.
2. Get Along with the Other Parent
If your top priority is custody, then make it your goal to get along with your co-parent. Even when it’s difficult, avoid unnecessary conflict. Judges look for patterns of hostility, and if you’re perceived as combative, it could hurt your custody rights.
- Bite your tongue
- Avoid provocation
- Stay focused on your child’s needs
3. Speak Positively About the Other Parent
Judges are quick to detect parental alienation, when one parent tries to poison a child’s relationship with the other. This is one of the fastest ways to lose custody time.
Instead:
- Encourage your child’s bond with the other parent
- Speak respectfully about the other parent in your child’s presence
- Avoid negative comments, even when you’re upset
4. Live Close to the Other Parent
When parents live near each other, it’s easier to maintain consistent parenting time and routines. Judges favor proximity, as it supports a stable co-parenting arrangement.
- Avoid unnecessary relocations
- If a relocation is necessary, seek legal advice immediately
- If you’re considering moving with your child, consult an attorney about Illinois’s relocation law under 750 ILCS 5/609.2
5. Be Involved in Your Child’s Life
The parent who shows up consistently will always have the stronger case. Judges want to see that you’re already taking an active role in your child’s daily life.
- Attend school events
- Volunteer in extracurriculars
- Be available and present, even outside of court orders
6. Be Flexible and Cooperative
Judges carefully observe each parent’s willingness to cooperate and compromise. If you’re the one making peace and working things out without unnecessary conflict, you are far more likely to receive favorable custody outcomes.
- Suggest solutions instead of escalating problems
- Be willing to switch schedules when needed
- Make good-faith efforts to resolve disagreements
7. Put Your Child’s Needs First
Illinois no longer uses the word custody in the statute. Courts now allocate parental responsibilities and parenting time, but the standard behind every decision is still the same: the “best interest of the child.” This means that sometimes, you may need to make decisions that benefit your child, even if they also benefit the other parent.
Don’t let spite or ego cloud your judgment:
- Always ask: What’s best for my child?
- Don’t make decisions just to go against the other parent
- Judges reward parents who demonstrate maturity and focus on their child’s well-being
Final Thoughts: Get Professional Legal Help
Child custody is legally complex and emotionally intense. These strategies can help, but there’s no substitute for having an experienced family law attorney guiding you through the process.
If you’re facing custody issues in Illinois, we’re here to help.
Call us today for experienced and compassionate child custody representation.
Questions People Ask
What can I do to improve my custody position in an Illinois family law case?
Family law attorneys point to practical steps: be reasonable and consistent, avoid unnecessary conflict with the other parent, speak positively about them in front of your child, live close to them when possible, stay actively involved in your child's daily life through school events and activities, and be flexible when schedules need to change. Judges notice these patterns over time and they can influence the outcome.
What is parental alienation and why does it hurt custody cases in Illinois?
Parental alienation is when one parent tries to poison a child's relationship with the other parent. Judges are quick to detect it, and it is one of the fastest ways to lose custody time. Instead, the better approach is encouraging your child's bond with the other parent, speaking respectfully about them in your child's presence, and avoiding negative comments even when upset.
Does Illinois still use the term "child custody" in court?
No. Illinois no longer uses the word custody in the statute. Courts now allocate parental responsibilities and parenting time instead, but the standard behind every decision is still the "best interest of the child." That means sometimes a parent has to make decisions that benefit the child even if they also benefit the other parent, rather than acting out of spite or ego.
